He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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