i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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