i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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