I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
