i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
