if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
