no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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