I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just google imaged poop.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize