Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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