it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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