I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
