New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch