and she was petting her beer can
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.