there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.