escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong