hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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