It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
