the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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