Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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