drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We're too hungover to prance.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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