then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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