What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
