thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
