that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
