i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
