when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
