He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
