I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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