u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
