i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
