Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
