Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
