He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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