the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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