theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
