i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
