I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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