I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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