I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
