The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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