why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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