My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
