R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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