The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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