if i died would you start the facebook group?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
