am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
