please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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