I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
