At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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