last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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