I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
