we're blogging at a bar
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
