Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
