you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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