in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
