Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
