He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
