You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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