It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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