she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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