guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
