i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
the raccoons are back...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
