Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
how does that bad decision feel?
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