Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
