I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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