Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
