I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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