you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
