where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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