Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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