Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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