i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
