this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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