Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
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